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24 November 2007 @ 04:43 pm
Turkey Day  
Those of you who know me in RL know that I do not cook. My greatest culinary accomplishments to date include Kraft Mac & Cheese and ramen noodles.

With that in mind, I decided to take on the task this year of preparing the holiday turkey.

I thought there was a decent chance of this ending in utter disaster resulting in bologna sandwiches and stuffing for all.

Undeterred, I went ahead with sage advice (read: recipe) from my TV pal, Alton Brown.

I brined the turkey in a large stock pot in a solution of water, kosher salt, brown sugar, and orange juice concentrate for 8 hours.

With the oven preheated to 500 degrees, I rubbed down the cured bird with Canola oil and let it brown for half an hour.

After removing my poultry from the superheated chamber, I reduced the heat to 350, covered the turkey with foil and then put it back in the oven entirely undisturbed for ~2 hours.

With bated breath I waited 20 minutes for my project to rest.

When I cut into and sampled the turkey it was, in a word, fantastic.



The meat was juicy and flavorful throughout, and fell off the bone. It was easily the best thing I've ever put in my mouth.

I'm never eating another turkey that isn't prepared in this manner. In fact, I may never eat anything else at all.

Everything else pales in comparison.

Thank you for reading my shameless self-promotion.
 
 
( 75 comments — Leave a comment )
galinda822 on November 25th, 2007 07:10 am (UTC)
Bravo!!!!

Maybe this is just the beginning of your culinary destiny?!
ehowton: Neelix - Mmm...ehowton on November 25th, 2007 05:06 pm (UTC)
I don't think he has a culinary destiny.

I'm just saying.
(no subject) - galinda822 on November 25th, 2007 05:11 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - drax0r on November 25th, 2007 11:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - galinda822 on November 26th, 2007 12:19 am (UTC) (Expand)
Melancthe the Woe, So-Called: melancthe wenchymelancthe on November 25th, 2007 10:28 am (UTC)
Hmm. I think I might just steal this recipe for this year's Christmas turkey.

And dammit, now I'm hungry. WEEP. :)
ehowton: Neelix - Mmm...ehowton on November 25th, 2007 05:11 pm (UTC)

Trippin' on tryptophan
Turkey in my gut
I eat all Thanksgiving
By Grapthar's Hammer, what a glut
(no subject) - texas_tangent on November 25th, 2007 06:39 pm (UTC) (Expand)
drax0r: ATHF - Master Shakedrax0r on November 25th, 2007 11:05 pm (UTC)
Jessica says that it should just be called Sex on a Plate.

From Alton Brown:

Software:

1.5 cups of kosher salt
0.5 cups of brown sugar
6 oz of orange juice concentrate
1 gallon of water
one 16-18 lb turkey
1 gallon of ice cubes
canola oil


Hardware:

1 large pot
1 large cooler with lid
paper towels
roasting rack
2 disposable aluminum roasting pans
probe thermometer


Turkey rules:

Stuffing is evil. Traditional stuffings soak up meat juices, meaning a potential for the presence of salmonella unless the temperature of the stuffing reaches 165 degrees. That increases the cooking time of the turkey, which means dry meat. If you cannot live without the stuffing, cook it in a casserole dish beforehand and spoon it into the cavity before serving.

Basting is evil: Skin is waterproof, so flavor and moisture will not soak through it. Besides, you have to open the door to baste, which lets heat out of the oven. This increases cooking time, which means dry meat - so don't do it.



Roast Turkey:

To brine the turkey: dissolve the salt, sugar, and juice concentrate in 1 quart of hot water. Cool the solution with 3 quarts of cold water. Remove the giblets (and any other foreign matter) from the turkey interior and place in the cooler. Pour the brine mixture to cover. If the bird is not completely submerged, add more liquid. (Since I don't want to weaken the solution, I use canned chicken broth.)

Cover with ice, close the lid, and soak the turkey for 6 to 8 hours.

When the bird has a half hour left to soak, move the oven rack to the lowest level and prehat the oven to 500 degrees. Remove the turkey from the brine and pat dry with paper towels. Rub liberally with canola oil, making sure to get all the nooks and crannies around the wings.

Discard the brine and thoroughly wash the cooler.

Place the turkey on a roasting rack inside 2 disposable aluminum roasting pans.

Roast at 500 degrees for a half hour.

Remove the turkey from the oven and decrease temperature to 350 degrees. Cover the turkey breast with a double layer of foil folded in a triangle. Insert a probe thermometer into the thickest part of the breast (push it right through the foil) and set the thermometer to 161 degrees. A 16-18 lb. bird should arrive at the target temperature in 2 - 2.5 hours.

Remove the bird from the oven and cover the turkey and the pan with foil. Allow it to rest for 15 minutes before carving.
(no subject) - melancthe on November 26th, 2007 03:15 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Tomas Gallucci: Rachel Rayschpydurx on November 25th, 2007 02:08 pm (UTC)
Imagine how much better the turkey would have tasted if you would have followed Rachel Ray's recipe that called for EVOO. *tee-hee*
ehowton: Neelix - Mmm...ehowton on November 25th, 2007 05:05 pm (UTC)
I'm going to throat-punch you myself when I see you if you keep this shit up.
(no subject) - schpydurx on November 25th, 2007 05:36 pm (UTC) (Expand)
"What did I do?" - snapper521 on November 25th, 2007 11:47 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: "What did I do?" - schpydurx on November 25th, 2007 11:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: "What did I do?" - snapper521 on November 26th, 2007 12:06 am (UTC) (Expand)
throat punch 4 tomas - snapper521 on November 25th, 2007 11:49 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: throat punch 4 tomas - schpydurx on November 25th, 2007 11:52 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
Re: throat punch 4 tomas - schpydurx on November 26th, 2007 12:07 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
Re: throat punch 4 tomas - ehowton on November 26th, 2007 12:18 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: throat punch 4 tomas - schpydurx on November 26th, 2007 12:24 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
Re: throat punch 4 tomas - schpydurx on November 26th, 2007 12:36 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: throat punch 4 tomas - galinda822 on November 26th, 2007 12:21 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: throat punch 4 tomas - schpydurx on November 26th, 2007 12:29 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: throat punch 4 tomas - snapper521 on November 26th, 2007 12:46 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: throat punch 4 tomas - schpydurx on November 26th, 2007 12:50 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: throat punch 4 tomas - snapper521 on November 26th, 2007 12:53 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: throat punch 4 tomas - schpydurx on November 26th, 2007 02:44 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: throat punch 4 tomas - snapper521 on November 26th, 2007 03:49 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: throat punch 4 tomas - schpydurx on November 26th, 2007 04:07 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: throat punch 4 tomas - snapper521 on November 26th, 2007 04:11 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: throat punch 4 tomas - drax0r on November 26th, 2007 06:28 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: throat punch 4 tomas - schpydurx on November 26th, 2007 06:31 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
Re: throat punch 4 tomas - galinda822 on November 26th, 2007 01:36 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: throat punch 4 tomas - ehowton on November 26th, 2007 12:02 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: throat punch 4 tomas - snapper521 on November 26th, 2007 12:19 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - drax0r on November 25th, 2007 11:06 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - schpydurx on November 25th, 2007 11:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - drax0r on November 25th, 2007 11:15 pm (UTC) (Expand)
ehowton: Neelix - Mmm...ehowton on November 25th, 2007 05:07 pm (UTC)
You told me I was best thing you ever put in your mouth :(
drax0r: Eat Medrax0r on November 25th, 2007 11:07 pm (UTC)

That was before I had this turkey.
Heidisnapper521 on November 25th, 2007 11:45 pm (UTC)
best thing since ground beef
Eww... I don't even want to think about that one Eric...
Re: best thing since ground beef - schpydurx on November 26th, 2007 12:01 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: best thing since ground beef - ehowton on November 26th, 2007 12:06 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: best thing since ground beef - schpydurx on November 26th, 2007 12:09 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: best thing since ground beef - ehowton on November 26th, 2007 12:17 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: best thing since ground beef - schpydurx on November 26th, 2007 12:34 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: best thing since ground beef - snapper521 on November 26th, 2007 12:22 am (UTC) (Expand)
texas_tangenttexas_tangent on November 25th, 2007 06:40 pm (UTC)
Im glad that everything turned out o.k.
ehowton: Neelix - Mmm...ehowton on November 25th, 2007 08:46 pm (UTC)
Just don't ask about his stuffing.
drax0r: ATHF - Mooninitedrax0r on November 25th, 2007 11:08 pm (UTC)
It was not OK. Did I not accurately convey the utter stupendousness of this turkey? OK doesn't even come close.
(no subject) - schpydurx on December 11th, 2007 04:22 pm (UTC) (Expand)
irulan_amy on November 25th, 2007 08:11 pm (UTC)
Nice! Rock on you. I loves the Alton Brown. I made a chicken this year according to one of his recipes. I have learned so much from him; actually I should see if his shows are available on DVD.


Congrats on turkey success; it's difficult to achieve. :D
ehowton: Neelix - Mmm...ehowton on November 25th, 2007 08:46 pm (UTC)
I can't believe he at the WHOLE THING!
(no subject) - texas_tangent on November 25th, 2007 08:50 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - drax0r on November 25th, 2007 11:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - schpydurx on November 26th, 2007 03:08 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - drax0r on November 25th, 2007 11:10 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Heidisnapper521 on November 25th, 2007 11:43 pm (UTC)
Turkey
I'm going to try this turkey recipe. :-) Hope it turns out as good as you claim, but don't be surprised if after I have tried it... it wasn't made the same way. I seldom follow directions and I also almost always add things. :-)
ehowton: Neelix - Mmm...ehowton on November 25th, 2007 11:55 pm (UTC)
Re: Turkey
A wise old chef once said, If you don't want to follow the recipe, make substitutions, or add and remove ingredients, by all means do so - but not until you've made it my way first, so you know how its supposed to turn out. Otherwise you're an idiot and I don't want to hear about how it turned out.

Then she died.
Re: Turkey - snapper521 on November 26th, 2007 12:25 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Turkey - drax0r on November 26th, 2007 06:31 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Turkey - snapper521 on November 27th, 2007 02:11 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Turkey - snapper521 on November 26th, 2007 12:26 am (UTC) (Expand)
Pay Attention, You Might Miss Somethingjesskd26 on November 26th, 2007 01:26 am (UTC)
Sorry to not post in the corresponding thread. I apologize.

2. You did know that because you made a wise crack about PMS last week and I had informed you that you were off track by one week. Hence two weeks ago being off track... and today being off track (;-)) then it must have been in the week or so since your last wise crack eh?

*shakes my head* Besides that Tomas I had told you when it was. If you had listened. FYFI (for your future information) I get bitchy 3 days before then I'm fine aside from feeling sick.



Seriously, did you really think that a man would remember and/or care when your period is supposed to arrive? The only time a man would even try to remember this is if he was trying to or trying not to get you pregnant. Otherwise, it's information that could be filed in the "don't give a fuck" drawer. I don't think it's a matter of not listening. I think it's a matter of anyone caring about this information in the first place.





Tomas Gallucci: Rachel Rayschpydurx on November 26th, 2007 02:45 am (UTC)
Well said.

*claps*
CeltmanX, Devlin O' Coileáin: Farscapeceltmanx on November 26th, 2007 05:45 am (UTC)
I bet you've been making a lot of samies out of the left overs!!!
Pay Attention, You Might Miss Somethingjesskd26 on November 26th, 2007 06:24 am (UTC)
yes, a bit. I made some nice little mashed potato croquets today, also. I have also come to kind of like rachael ray. Tony has not.
(no subject) - celtmanx on November 26th, 2007 06:29 am (UTC) (Expand)
unixwolfunixwolf on November 27th, 2007 05:42 pm (UTC)
foodaholic!
I just made 9lbs of hotdish/golaash that turned out exceptionally well myself!
ehowton: Neelix - Mmm...ehowton on December 11th, 2007 04:43 pm (UTC)
Turkey Golaash?
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on December 11th, 2007 04:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Penguin Puppetmaster: Allergic to BSoxy_irony on December 4th, 2007 03:50 am (UTC)
So you would suggest using Brown's recipes here on out?

Congrats on making your turkey dinner not only edible, but delicious. That is one thing I will unlikely be ever able to do. Accept my virtual pat-on-the-back!

Nice to see you're still alive and kickin', by the way.
drax0rdrax0r on December 4th, 2007 04:41 am (UTC)
This is far too small of a statistical sample for me to claim that all of his recipes are worthy of my endorsement.

This particular recipe is the dog's nuts. (in a good way)

I'm kickin' it oldkool.
(no subject) - oxy_irony on December 7th, 2007 01:39 am (UTC) (Expand)
( 75 comments — Leave a comment )