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13 March 2008 @ 11:21 am
Race Car in the Red  
As I do most mornings, I got my kick-start by downing a Monster Lo-Carb.

Despite this, I was still dragging ass this morning when we left the house.

Naturally, when Eric suggested we stop for a Monster refill I readily agreed.

As we were checking out, the clerks suggested that we try this new product: RedLine. Subtitled "The Ultimate Energy Rush," RedLine comes in a puny 8 oz. bottle. It looked to me like any one of a hundred other "energy" potions I've seen and tasted before. Needless to say, I usually fiund myself disappointed and have in recent months stuck with the tried and true Monster Brand Energy products.

Well the fellow behind the counter mentioned that he tried one the other day and had lasting energy throughout the day so, more out of curiosity than anything, I bought a couple of bottles. One each for E and I.

The bottle is filled with warning labels. Among them:

Caution! Read entire label before drinking.


Do not drink if you're pregnant or nursing.

Do not use if you have or have a family history of: heart disease, thyroid disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, depression, glaucoma, prostate enlargement, difficulty urinating, or seizure disorder.

Do not use if you're taking any prescription medication.

Do not use if you're taking any over-the-counter medication.

Do not use if you are more than 15 pounds overweight.

Always begin with one serving (4 oz. daily to assess tolerance.

Ingredients of RedLine include an unknown glowing substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.

Do not taunt RedLine Energy Drink.

I quickly ignored these warnings and had the bottle downed by the time Eric started the car.

Before we left the parking lot... time slowed down. I was watching the world through a tunnel. Objects in the center of the tunnel were tinted blue while objects at the edge - objects that we had already passed - were red-shifted.

When we arrived at work I found that my co-workers had aged 30 years overnight. To combat this, I ran at top speed around the planet. The world turned backwards and time reversed.

I must be careful not to travel at such speeds.

Later, back at work, I sat at my desk and threw my jacket carelessly on my desk, knocking over a stack of about 10 books. I picked them individually out of the air and restacked them before the first one hit the ground.

I felt that I had to share this wondrous discovery with you, my friends. I sat down 22 seconds ago to begin typing this missive. I am now typing at 712 words per minute with 104% accuracy.

Please, try a RedLine, but please do be careful not to break space-time.
ehowton: Neoehowton on March 13th, 2008 05:24 pm (UTC)
I know Kung Fu.
Me: Smile & Scotchphotogoot on March 13th, 2008 11:31 pm (UTC)
I knew his cousin Lost Shu.
ehowton: Neoehowton on March 13th, 2008 11:59 pm (UTC)
You too?
catttitude: Lady Lcatttitude on March 14th, 2008 01:59 am (UTC)
I know Pei Wei.
drax0r: Deadwood - Al Swearengendrax0r on March 14th, 2008 02:07 am (UTC)
I know Kung Fu.

Show me.
texas_tangenttexas_tangent on March 13th, 2008 05:42 pm (UTC)
Im talking to you on the forums. Hence me posting here is just to commend you on posting here... Something that does not usually happen.
drax0r: Bad Computerdrax0r on March 14th, 2008 02:07 am (UTC)
I don't post nearly as much as I used to.
ehowton: Neoehowton on March 13th, 2008 07:51 pm (UTC)
On March 12, 2008, four Florida teenagers drank small sips from REDLINE and were hospitalized within two hours of consumption. The students, all teenage boys, complained of an increased heart rate and were sweating profusely after sharing a Redline, which promises the ultimate energy rush on its bottle.

They were taken to Memorial West Hospital, where they were treated for nonlife-threatening injuries, according to Broward Sheriff Fire Rescue department spokesman Mike Jachles.

Rescue workers responded to a call just after noon Wednesday of four students having some sort of allergic reaction at Falcon Cove Middle School, located at 4521 Bonaventure Blvd.

Paramedics found the students in the school's front office, flushed, light-headed and complaining of a fast heart rate.

They told officials that they had each taken a few sips of Redline, a heavily caffeinated drink that includes several warnings on the bottle. One of them: Keep out of reach of children.
drax0rdrax0r on March 14th, 2008 02:08 am (UTC)
Re: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Redline_%28drink%29
Kids can't be trusted to protect the space-time continuum.
Me: Coolnessphotogoot on March 13th, 2008 11:29 pm (UTC)
I hope to one day have the courage to take the universe by the balls and in a deep thunderous voice say, "COUGH BITCH"! Until then, I shall read on and live vicariously through your experiences.

One thing I am having trouble with though.... I never would have pegged you as a Lo-Carb guy. There never is a shortage of mysteries in the world.
drax0r: Wylie Coyote - omgwtfdrax0r on March 14th, 2008 02:09 am (UTC)
I've been doing the South Beach Diet for the past month or so.

The Lo-Carb is the compromise I make to allow maximum energy while working towards shrinking my fat ass.
galinda822 on March 14th, 2008 12:30 am (UTC)
Wow! Thanks for the warning!

I believe I'm to much of a wimp to go near one of those. :)
drax0r: Lightning Boltdrax0r on March 14th, 2008 02:10 am (UTC)

It's not at all unpleasant.

One RedLine will help you reach Nirvana.

It could also be used as nuclear fuel to power a city.
CeltManX, Devlin O' Coileáin: CartmanSmileceltmanx on March 14th, 2008 05:06 am (UTC)
snapper521 on March 17th, 2008 12:47 am (UTC)
Haha. :-D
irulan_amy on March 17th, 2008 05:43 am (UTC)
Duly noted. :D
Samantha: Yummiethesweetestnote on April 1st, 2009 08:08 pm (UTC)
E turned me on to Monster. I drink the Lo-Carb religiously now. My first time with RedLine nearly killed me. I slammed the whole bottle before reading the bottle... WHEEEEW! I know what you speak of. It should be regulated like plutonium.
fergiult639 on February 17th, 2013 04:51 am (UTC)
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